i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
