I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
