You're my little dorito
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
