No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
