fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
