I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
