Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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