Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You can't special order awesome
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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