Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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