my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
