Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
