booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
