i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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