Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Everyone says I win the strip club
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
