remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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