i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
