Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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