There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
