he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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