You made me cry and you don't even care
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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