remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
