one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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