Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
