Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Randomize
