I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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