Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
