I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
