i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
