I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
