and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my shit smells like andre
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
