just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
