i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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