Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
