She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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