at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
