How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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