i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
