very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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