Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
