I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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