you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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