I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
