I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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