Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
