So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
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I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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