my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
