Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
time to smoke my breakfast
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
