She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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