So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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