my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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