I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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