Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
