6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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