But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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