My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We have so much sex to catch up on
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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