i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
