Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
