We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
