Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
