Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
