Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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