so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
