Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
