I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
