I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
