We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
